But then came the weinervention.
Yes, I just said that and I’m not talking about a mayoral race in New York City folks, Anthony Weiner notwithstanding.
I’m talking about the email I got from Applegate Farms offering me hot dogs and buns to stage a weinervention and stop the madness. My friends are eating bad hot dogs and somebody’s got to step in.
I was already a fan of Applegate, turning to their nitrate-free meat and hot dogs the day I stopped being a vegetarian. And it just so happened that my family had recently made its annual pilgrimage to the National Mustard Museum in Middleton, Wisconsin.
I was sitting on a lot of mustard.
“Sure,” I told the Applegate Farms representative via email, “I’d take some hot dogs.”
Applegate would be the “Meatiator” they said. I was to expect a kit containing the franks, two packages of Rudi’s buns, Annie’s organic ketchup and mustard, Rick’s Pick’s relish, an apron, grilling tools, mini cooler, a frisbee and Susty paper straws and napkins. The box would be marked “perishable” and I’d need to put the hot dogs in the fridge ASAP.
This weinervention was getting serious. I needed to tell my husband. He was the grill master.
He was confused, as you might expect, but agreed to help. We decided the best place to stage our cookout coup would be at the swimming pool we belonged to in town. We figured there’d be plenty of grills and hungry folks. Would the parents there already know that Applegate dogs had beef, water, salt, and spices, and no sodium phosphate or sodium nitrate? I hoped so because I didn’t want to say the word “weinervention” in public.
We arrived at the pool around 4pm on a sunny day in late August. A birthday party was just wrapping up and the grills would be ours. Our timing was perfect. I hadn’t accounted for the fact that the water was freezing and no one else was there.
"All this relish," I thought, "and no one to relish it."
Except the lifeguards.
Certainly, they’d be hungry.
Avoiding the word weinervention, I told the college-aged lifeguards that we had a lot of food we'd like to share with them.
“Really good hot dogs,” I told them when they saw the spread.
They seemed impressed.
When they headed back to school, would they remember Applegate or the mustard or the relish or the really cute paper hot dog baskets, I wondered?
Probably they'd just remember the crazy lady whose husband was walking around in a Weinervention apron and who brought lots of mustard to the pool.
Those folks at Applegate are geniuses.
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