Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Tips the Parenting Magazines Won't Tell You: Cold and Flu Season
"That’s called motherhood.”
Yes, cold and flu season has made front-page news and as we brace for it, I’ve been daydreaming about sitting this one out in my bedroom under a nice blanket and several seasons of “The Good Wife”. But that’s just nuts. I’d be done by early February with nothing left to watch.
So I’ve decided to make a list of ideas for this cold and flu season: Tips the Parenting Magazines Won’t Tell You.
First, I’ve checked and Vera Bradley does not have a line of surgical masks. It’s too bad, too, because nothing says “pandemic” like wearing a blue surgical mask to pick up. A nice blue paisley or floral suggests something subtler, such as, “I’m worried, but I’m still going to coordinate with my handbag.”
Along the lines of prevention, we’ve been told to wash our hands frequently or use a hand sanitizer with a high alcohol content. Substituting this hand sanitizer with a bottle of vodka is not recommended.
Speaking of fluids, everyone knows to drink plenty of water and juice. Again, keep the vodka out of the OJ. The CDC does a great job, but they simply have no time to devote to brunch. Vitamins, as we all know, can help, but remember if you’re still eating your child’s gummie or flintstone chewables, you may need more iron.
Everyone recommends getting plenty of rest. I Googled “well rested mom” and came up with a sci-fi script written by a film school drop-out. It’s promising, but as the aspiring filmmaker told me via email, “The world just isn’t ready.” His treatment on flying cats forming political alliances with Snickers bars on Mars is getting a lot of attention, though.
When it comes to food, what’s better than some homemade chicken noodle soup to stave off sickness at the first sign of the sniffles? I recommend finding a great recipe. Then find someone to make it for you. Have you tried to peel a rutabaga? It requires full strength and attention.
Finally, you may just have to make peace with the word “puke.” I’ve been slow to warm to it, but admit it’s more fun to say than clean up. Just remember, you’re quoting Shakespeare! Many are not familiar with As You Like It, but that’s no reason not to bring it up the next time you or a loved one pukes on your mother-in-law.
As always, I wish you good health and quick recovery. Tips the Parenting Magazines Won’t Tell You is a series of satirical posts I write occasionally. They are to be taken with a grain of salt, or while you get a flu shot.
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